What are you giving up for Lent?

In just a few days, the season of Lent will begin. 

I'm wondering if you have considered what it is that you'll be giving up for the next 40 days? 

The season of Lent is a time when Christians remember Jesus' 40-days in the wilderness after his baptism. During these 40-days, Jesus fasted - he did not eat - he gave up basic needs to focus solely on his Father. He was "driven into the wilderness" where, one could argue, he also fasted from people, schedules, and demands of his life. Here in the wilderness, Jesus and the Father had focused time together. Jesus' wilderness was not a punishment. The Father had just told Jesus, "This is my son, whom I love, with him I am well pleased." The wilderness was not a place of punishment or abandonment, but really a place of centeredness, identity and mission. The wilderness was also a place of temptation and a place where Jesus' motives and desires were tested. 

The 40-days of Lent begin this Wednesday and take us up to Easter Sunday. (Fun side-note: if you count the days you'll discover we have more than 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday. Why? Early Christians held Sunday as a day of celebration - the day Jesus rose from the dead. So even as they fasted and prayed during the season leading up to the resurrection, they did not fast on Sunday. Sunday was celebration day!) 

One of the practices (traditions) of the Lenten season is to give up something. Some people choose to lay aside something simple like a food that they will not eat. Some people will consider habits that need to be better held in check (like drinking addictive drinks like coffee and/or alcohol) and will determine to set these aside or a 40-day detox. (Btw, if you do this, I'd recommend continuing to fast these even on your "Sunday" so your body does not get confused.) Some people choose to add something to their lives to better their relationship with God. Another idea, and what I would challenge us to do as we consider what to give up for Lent, is to focus on our relationship with God and question what we can adjust in our lifestyles to better posture ourselves to experience God.

May we consider: 

• What are those things that get in the way of our relationship with God? 
• What is something (an object, a relationship, a routine, a habit) that we turn to instead of turning toward God? 
• What is a comforting distraction we choose over attending to our souls? 
• What are those things that are holding us captive? 

I'm learning more and more that there is not much in our world that is "neutral." A good practice, relationship or routine can easily become a prison if we don't make space for self-examination and evaluation. 

Oftentimes, we desire God, but our distracted selves lean toward what is known and safe instead of following the Spirit's prompting to go into uncharted territory of quiet contemplation. 

Many of these objects, habits, routines, or relationships can be even be good, or at least began good, but may have deteriorated or spread into something unhealthy. One purpose of setting aside an object, habit, routine or relationship for a season (or adding limits to them) is to keep the Lordship of Christ above anything else that attempts to assume the title of Lord in our lives. Laying these aside for a season disarms their power and cuts their control from our life. If laying them aside is easy, then we can be reassured we are not under the grip of its power and that King Jesus has authority in our lives. More often, however, we'll feel the sting of separation and maybe even the temptation to blow off this "silly religious practice." The separation is painful for the first few days, to be sure, but the freedom we can experience is remarkable. With our space less cluttered and our souls less distracted, we find more time and focus to listen for the God's direction, behold God's beauty, or sit quietly in God's presence. During our 40-days when we feel tempted to pick back up our objects, habits, routines or relationships, may we instead choose to confess our weakness and need for our Savior, asking Jesus to once again rule in all aspects of our life.

(Note: if you choose to set aside a relationship, don't just cut someone off, but let the person know what is happening and why you are choosing to set aside or put limits on your relationship for the next 40-days. Adding healthy limits on your relationship is a way of making space for God to be part of that relationship.) 

Our Distractions are Limitless

I encourage you to be attentive to your habits, routines, and relationships these next few days as we head into Lent. Be aware of when you feel God's lead and how/where/when you choose something "easier" like watching TV, scrolling YouTube, or listening to Podcasts, instead of spending time with God. The amount of information with which we are daily assaulted clouds our ability to hear God speak. Even the simplest limit to our social media usage can make a large impact on our internal sense of God's presence and peace with us.

May God reveal to us an area of our lives that we can lay aside for His glory of these next 40-days.

Peace,

Connie

2024 Prayer & Fasting

This Monday, January 8th begins another season of praying and fasting. 

Join me and many others around the Fresno/Clovis area as we spend intentional time praying for our neighborhoods, communities, schools, workplaces and so much more.

I have been participating in this prayer rhythm for over ten years now. The first year I participated alone because my church was new to the idea of prayer and fasting. The second year I participated, I wanted to invite my church to join me but knew 21 days was a big commitment. So I challenged them to join me for "7-Days of Prayer & Fasting." They did! The next year I added another week: "14-Days" and then the following year the church engaged in all 21-Days. What a delight to know this church still continues to participate in praying as a community to begin their year. Whatever your stage in prayer - whether you've never really prayed before or you've been praying for years - we are all invited and encouraged to pray for our cities over the next 21 days. 

Prayer Guide

In partnering with people in their growth in prayer, I noticed sometimes it's hard to know how to pray or what to pray. With that in mind, I created a prayer guide for the purpose of scaffolding the learning stages of prayer as well as creating synergy and focus on a particular item/situation in which to pray. If you would like to follow along with a Prayer Guide that I wrote, you are welcome to download it. I created two different formats. If you have the capacity to print a booklet, use this link to download and print. (print both sides, flip short edge)

If you would like a more simple Word document (with a larger font size), use this link to download and print the 2024 Prayer Guide.

Prayer Nights

During each night of the 21 Days of Prayer & Fasting a church in the Fresno/Clovis area will open up their space for an evening of corporate prayer. If you would like to join others in praying for our city, use this link to see where prayer is happening on each of the 21 days. 

Fasting Brochure

If you're newer to fasting and want to find out more information about why and how to fast, use this link to download a brochure about fasting. Pastor Bob Willis from NorthPark wrote this brochure ten years ago and I have modified it through the years.

Community of Faith

Regardless of where you attend church, I believe we are part of a Story bigger than one person or even one church. It is the collective whole of all of us coming together to form the Body of Christ in our cities. You and I are welcomed and invited to participate in this season of prayer and fasting as a way to engage in something bigger than ourselves, be reminded that we are not alone in our faith and love of Jesus, and pray for God's mercy and grace on behalf of the cities in which we live.

Let me know if you have any questions.

May God make Himself known to you in this season of prayer, confession, repentance and healing. Let it be!

Peace, 

Connie

My Journey of Preaching

Mother's Day, May 12, 2013 was the day I preached my first sermon. 

I'll always remember coming off the stage and being exceptionally hot! I stood next to the Lead Pastor who patted me on the back and said, "Nice job, sheesh...you're burning up!" I literally had sweat dripping down my back. 

I had just transitioned out of my role as Children's Coordinator and was beginning as an Associate Pastor which included the opportunity to preach 2-3 times per year.

"Two or possibly three Sundays a year I get to preach!" I thought. "What an honor. What a blessing. What a gift."

It's strange how our perspectives change overtime.

I remained in my Associate Pastor role for over five years, delivering a total of 19 sermons.

I loved the process of studying for my sermon, of creating the slides, of crafting words and especially the experience of delivering it to a crowd of friends.

In 2018, I began pastoring within a new congregation - again for over five years. Within this time frame, I preached 14 times. 

With the second church came the challenge of balancing my full-time job as the Children & Families Pastor with the Sundays that I preached. At my previous church, my job entailed ministries to adults which kept me in the same sphere of the Sunday Service, so preaching wasn't quite as taxing as being the tandem preacher and Children's Pastor. At this new church, preaching included both my normal full-time responsibilities in addition to the extra time and energy to write and deliver a sermon. I love preaching so, of course, I eagerly jumped at every opportunity to preach that came my way.

Preaching, for me as a Children's Pastor, meant late night hours writing and creating. It meant recruiting a 'point-person' for Sunday so someone would lead in my absence. It meant setting up the kids area on Saturday to alleviate some of my job the next morning. It meant being the first to arrive on Sunday to turn on lights, heat, and unlock doors so that the kids area was ready to receive children when church began. It meant running back-and-forth between service design, prayer meetings, sound-checks and checking in with teachers and families as they arrived. It meant running upstairs to the supply closet and pulling out extra buttons for a craft the teacher wants to do before I ran back to the sanctuary, getting in just in time for the completion of the song before my sermon. Heart-pounding from my jog around campus, it was now time to preach.

I had to choose my shoes wisely on these days - I often found myself literally running behind the stage back-and-forth between the opening, worship, sermon, and benediction. It was crazy!  

Though I love preaching, I was also getting tired of the balancing act. Not just balancing of my time, but also my family. Most the sermon opportunities would be offered to me on holiday weekends - or weekends projected to be "quiet." My sacrifice of sleep and energy was one thing, but to have to prep a sermon on the weekend my out-of-town children would be home? 

It was getting harder and harder to see the opportunity to preach as a blessing. 

I remember one sermon I prepped on the Friday after Thanksgiving in my mother-in-law's closet in Carmel. It was the only place in the house that was quiet. While my family was bustling with games and fun downstairs, I was locked in a closet preparing a sermon for Sunday. This is a gift, right? 

When I stepped down from my job in June of this year, I knew I was potentially stepping away from one of the activities I loved to do the most - preach. The realization of my loss had already begun to sink-in months before as I was less and less invited to preach. I noticed the "better" I did my job, the less available I was to engage in adult conversations, attend the worship service, and be given opportunities to preach. It was a Catch-22 situation. To win was to lose. Perhaps I was simply in the wrong role to even have the desire to preach - but let's get real, I live in the Central Valley. Children's Ministry is one of the few positions available to women in our churches.

What's sad in this story is that no one seemed to notice when my voice was not included. No one noticed my exhaustion at the end of my Sundays on the days I preached. Some might argue that I didn't tell them it was too much. My fear, however, was that if I confessed that preaching was too much that one of the three possibilities would enfold:

1. I would no longer be asked to preach.

2. I would be told that my desire to preach was on me so I needed to suck it up. 

3. I would be told that my inability to do a full time job AND preach was an indicator of a woman's incapacity to preach.

I have always loved the preparing and preaching component of sermons - it was doing all of it and my full-time job that was getting wearisome. So instead, to prove a point and to keep preaching, I endured. I found I had no one to advocate for me to help me make this work better. Instead, the problem sat squarely on my shoulders and in my incapacity to do it all. 

News Flash: This is an unhealthy system!

My struggle for always feeling, "not enough" has come from these very much unrealistic expectations that have been put on me. I do not believe anyone can do what was expected of me. It is not a fault of mine, but a fault with the system.

While the youth pastor got to preach monthly, I needed to be content in my building, with my children, and with my own ministry. Was the problem with me and wanting too much? I was hired as the "Children and Families Pastor," after all. Why would I expect to be in church or asked to preach?  

That, my friends, is a hard pill to swallow. 

There's a discrepancy when a church has two full-time associate pastors and one preaches monthly and the other twice a year. "Yeah, but Connie, the youth pastor doesn't have responsibilities on a Sunday morning, so he has more time to devote to his sermon than you do." 

Answer: That's a systemic problem. Perhaps, there's a problem when one full-time pastor has free time and the other full-time pastor has too large of a load to be involved with the life of the church. 

I do not doubt the youth pastor (or other associates for that matter) have similar problems; I'm sure this is not my problem alone. But it also makes me wonder if this is why the typical associate pastor only lasts for 5-years. Is that just the norm, or could there be, perhaps, a different way? Could we navigate our churches differently in a way that anticipates our leaders to grow and grow with them?

Yesterday I got to preach again. 

I, honestly, wasn't sure if I'd ever get the chance to preach again after I left my place of employment, but Fresno Pacific University reached out and offered me a chance to speak for College Hour. 

I discovered that without a full-time job to attend to in addition to speaking, preparing a sermon was simple! My slides were in on Friday and then I had to wait....and wait....and wait for College Hour on Wednesday. I cannot express the strange peace and unhurried posture in which I found myself in the waiting on Monday and Tuesday. It was so very unlike me, and especially unlike how I normally functioned leading up to a sermon.

What I noticed this time was that I slept peacefully the night before (not my normal Saturday-night-before-my-sermon). My watch never notified me that my heart-rate soared and I didn't even feel nervous during my message. My pace was good - I didn't feel rushed like I was borrowing time and needed to wrap it up. There was this strange peace surrounding me. 

My topic was on "The Divine Cobbler," a bit of a play-on-words I got from my son when he had asked me if I knew anyone who can sew on his soul. He was actually referring to the sole of his tap shoe (ha!), but the idea of a soul-mender began forming deep within me. 

In my experience thus far with the Transforming Community, I've been praying that God would mend me back together: heart, mind, soul, and body. That my "doing for God" would extend out of my place of "being with God." 

I am realizing that the anxiety I felt when I preached in years past was due to an over-loaded plate and lack of support, as well as a busy, hurried spiritual life that made no room for resting in God. 

The "resting in God" piece I am doing well these days. I'm grateful for my growth but disappointed that my church couldn't grow with me. I find myself thinking different scenarios for ways things could have worked out, but know I need to let these fall to the ground and die. Thinking about the "what ifs" of life never works out well or does not lends itself to emotional health or spiritual vitality. 

At this point in my life, if someone where to tell me: "We so value your voice that we're going to allow you to preach two-three times a year." It feels more condescending than it does generous. 

We've got to do better. 

That bettering involves looking at our systems, our job descriptions, our relationships and noticing how they affect us - are they supportive or are they are diminishing? Are they laced with inequalities that we've become so accustomed to that we're blind to them? Within the church, are we handing out token opportunities to women, or actually creating spaces and ministries for women to thrive? We cannot give job descriptions designed for men to women and expect these jobs to work. Likewise, we cannot give women job descriptions that worked in the 80's and then be surprised when women feel unsupported. We need to be innovative in how we make space for all voices to be heard and thrive. We've GOT to get creative and we must move toward gift-based leadership positions over adhering to the straight-jacketed approach of job descriptions. Did both churches follow through with offering me a chance to speak twice a year? Yes. Did the churches create a place for my gifts to grow and flourish? No.

As I continue to wrestle with my own grief, I am also grateful for the healing that has come in my resting with Jesus. I also hope that, by God's grace, I can help create healthy solutions to systems that need to be reimagined because I know deep down that we can do better than this for the women and men who serve in our churches.

#equality

#untileverywomanisheard

The Practice of Gratefulness

I am an over-thinker. 

I'm the type of person who can sit in silence for hours considering a situation or topic and still not be able to make a decision. I have to consider every angle and every option before decision-making and even after all that consideration, may not be able to make a decision for fear of it being the 'wrong' decision. I've learned to put deadlines on my thinking and manage my over-processing tendencies, but I've also discovered a dark-side to my over-thinking. 

Especially these days when I tend to be alone more than ever before, I recognize the negative voices that begin to plant words and thoughts into my thinking. Without people around me to bounce my thoughts off, these negative ideas get mixed into my own thoughts and soon enough, I'm a mess of confusion and despair forgetting my belovedness while also beginning to see the world through glasses tainted with negativity and hopelessness.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets into this cycle!

One of the practices I have learned to help me combat this negative cycle is the practice of gratefulness. I know, I know, that sounds like a cheesy, "churchy" answer, but it really, truly works! 

Practicing gratitude opposes the voices that tells us, "no one cares," or "your life is horrible," or whatever other lie we're hearing. It also combats our woe-is-me outlook, reminding us of the many gifts and blessings bestowed to us each day. After two weeks of looking for reasons to be grateful, our brains will actually form new pathways and begin thinking differently! Our outlook on life will not begin despairingly, but will begin open to a day of possibilities, not expecting doom and gloom, but anticipating reminders of blessing and love notes of hope.

I recognize we are often in seasons when being thankful is hard. 

We go through times when the most we can do is just get out-of-bed. When we have experienced the loss of a loved one, are undergoing chemotherapy, or have lost our job, for example, we can quickly be pulled into a vacuum of despair. Our goal in these times is often survival. During these seasons we believe being thankful is a frivolous amenity gifted to others, but not to me. 

Telling someone in these places, "be grateful," feels like dousing a cut with lemon juice - it hurts! Please hear me say, I understand being in this place. In many ways, I am living in this season right now, which is why I need gratitude. 

Being grateful does not deny my current situation - it doesn't heal it or make it go away. It does, however, adjust my outlook, inspire my hope, and help me get through my difficult situation. 

Daily Examen

I like to pair my practice of gratitude with a practice called, "Daily Examen." The Daily Examen is often done in the evening and is a practice of considering our day, looking for places where we grew as people, places where we can now recognize God's activity but acknowledged we missed the invitation, and/or situations where we were reminded of God's presence and participation in our lives. This practice of reflecting on our day, how we missed it, where we blew it, where God showed up, and how I made decisions out of wholeness instead of gloom is a healing and healthy practice.

November Challenge

During the month of November, I'm challenging the people in my small group (and you as well!) to begin your day with the intention to keep your eyes opened (both our physical eyes and spiritual eyes) to something, someone, or a situation in which we can be thankful. 

I have done Thankfulness Journals before but I have to admit I was a bit of a cheater. I'd get busy for a week and then sit down and write out seven things/people I'm grateful for quickly to get 'caught up.'

Instead of brainstorming our reasons to be thankful, let's, instead, be daily looking for them to make themselves known to us. 

For example, I could be thankful for my daughter, Anna. I am very thankful for her so she would be a natural name to write on my page. How much more grateful, however, would it be if Anna happened to stop by just to say hi. Then, that evening, during my Daily Examen, my gratefulness wells up within me as I write Anna down as my person in which to be thankful. Not just someone I love, but someone who intersected my life today - my gift for the day.

See the difference?

There's a bit more trust to this challenge - trust that we will see a reason in which to be thankful AND trust that God, the giver of good gifts, will bring those gifts into our lives. This is also a partnership between us and God in that, I believe, God surrounds us with daily reminders of his love for us, it's often us who are too busy or blind to see the gifts around us.

Looking for reasons to be thankful is a powerful way to develop healthy, life-giving thinking habits.

Be Thankful Booklets

I created these little booklets for my small group, but you can use a journal or whatever paper you have available, to get into the practice of being grateful. Begin your day asking God to bring to your attention to a reason in which to be grateful. Sit with God in the evening asking God to remind you and then write down the name, situation, encounter on your paper. If you're a creative-type, perhaps you can experiment with other mediums to journal your experience. 

Let us combat our "stinking-thinking" (as my mom used to say) by opening ourselves to seeing reasons to be thankful for each day.

Have fun this November!

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever."  

Halloween Comes Full-Circle

I have so much in my head and heart concerning Harvest/Halloween Carnivals, I decided to write them down. Perhaps if they're written here, I can let them go...

Opening our Front Lawn (1998-2005)

In 1998 we were leaders at the Fresno Vineyard. Our church met in a converted warehouse "behind Costco" on Shaw near Highway 99. Prior to 1998, my husband and I lived in an apartment, but in 1998 we purchased our first house in the block southeast of Fresno and Bullard. We were never "Halloween People," but the more neighbors I met that first year at my house, the more I wanted to host "something" to get to know the people who lived around me. In 1998 we hosted our first "Harvest Party" in our front yard. Children and parents were both delighted to play some games, drink some hot apple cider, and engage in friendly conversation as they passed our house on their way to trick-or-treat. We did front-yard "Harvest Parties" for eight years before closing our church. 

Developing my Neighborhood Theology.

In the late 90's, I was in the beginning stages of developing a theology of neighboring - a topic that has continued to be close to my heart. I began looking for more ways to either invite my neighbors to my house or look for opportunities for where my "neighbors" (or anyone in my community for that matter!) was gathering, and attempt to place myself in the middle of that gathering place. I began chewing on ideas to help churches increase their impact in neighborhoods. How can we move from a building-centric church to a community of house-churches? It "helped" that the Fresno Vineyard sold our worship center and began renting space on a Sunday morning. Nothing like being portable to force growth into the homes. Bret and I experienced one of our favorite church communities during this season: a broad swath of different people, coming together from different backgrounds (ages, life-stages, ethnicities, and economics) with the common goals of being formed into the image of God together. Hands down, the BEST small group we have ever been part of. Though our small group met near Fresno High, our Harvest Parties continued in my front yard until our church closed in 2005.

Challenging a Vision (2006-2017)

When I began the job of Children's Coordinator of a church in Clovis, one of my first major assignments was to participate in the church's annual Halloween Carnival on Halloween night. I was hit with a conflict because I had become so accustomed to my Front-Yard Harvest Parties, I felt like I was abandoning my neighborhood to do my church-job. Why would I willingly leave my house on the one night my neighbors would be coming to me? 

With no option to opt-out, I had to give up my neighborhood party and push my creativity into my church function. After just a few years, I was put in charge of the Halloween Carnival at the church and casted an alternative vision for why and how we could approach Halloween, centering on the importance of neighborhoods. Instead of church leaving their neighborhoods on this night, what if we were, instead, purposeful about this night and made our presence known. I altered our plan so that we would still have a yearly Halloween Carnival, but it would be on the Sunday before Halloween, freeing us on October 31st to be in our neighborhoods, meeting neighbors. I loved the chance to create space for our town to come to our big and fabulous Halloween Carnivals the Sunday before, but my favorite space was still my front-yard - hanging out with my neighbors, drinking apple ciders, and playing games with neighborhood children.

Expanding our Circumference (2018-2019) 

Change occurred again in 2018 when I become the Children's Pastor of a church in Fresno. The pastor I worked with also had a passion for neighboring and also wanted to experiment with changing how the church had experienced Halloween thus far. In years prior, the church would decorate and open their gym for the neighborhood and church members to eat together and play games. Our new idea was to partner with the local school to have a Halloween Party after school on Halloween. This incarnational-view centered on Jesus' willingness to come to us and bring reconciliation and healing. Instead of inviting our community to come to us, we came to them bringing games, tickets and prizes. We did this for two-years and it went well. My only problem? Once I was finished with clean-up, it was dark and I did not have time to set-up my front-yard harvest party. I was once again was pulled away from my neighborhood doing church-work somewhere else. There's got to be a way to combine these, or somehow do them so they're not conflicting...

Changing a Culture (2020-2022)

Then, in 2020, COVID came, forcing all of us to pivot. Creative thinking and trying out new ideas are some of my specialties so I was excited as Halloween approached to think of how I could use this opportunity to change the culture of this church. I had lived a block south of this church years ago and didn't feel like it was very invitational. Something about how the parking lot worked, the color-choices, and strange language on the kiosk kept me from perusing this church. The previous pastor had stepped down so I had free space to create anything I wanted. I decided to bring the carnival back to the church campus, but to keep it in the parking lot. Though many people thought this was due to COVID regulations, it was actually a strategy to keep the church visible, instead of hidden in the gym. Much to the church's surprise, the community responding with their resounding presence. Candyland was a great success and everyone was thrilled. Since I was in charge, I scheduled the carnival during the afternoon, for safety AND...you guessed it...so I would have time to be in my own neighborhood! 

The next year, with a new pastor at the helm, I was permitted to do a parking-lot carnival again, this time a "Knock-Knock Joke" theme (complete with lots of bad jokes!). With Halloween falling on a Sunday, we, once again, held an afternoon carnival so that people would have the opportunity to be back in their neighborhoods. 

In 2022 came the culture-shift: Halloween fell on a Monday. With 13-years of experience at the last church, two successful years of parking-lot carnivals, and knowing how well the church and community responded to a carnival the Sunday leading into Halloween, I proposed we do the same. 

Thrillingly, the church hosted an Encanto Halloween Carnival on the Sunday afternoon and then I got to enjoy my neighbors on Monday evening! It was fabulous! Though I had hoped to make a few more adjustments to further a neighborhood approach to Halloween night and link back with the local elementary school, my time at that church also came to a close.

Close, but not Quite Home (2023)

This year was strange. We're not serving in a church and feel a bit "homeless." I could sense the weather cooling and leaves changing and felt my anticipation of carnival festivities rising. After 26-years of leading fall carnivals, believe me when I say, I could feel the night approaching. My husband could see my restlessness so we drove to Oregon to visit his brother in an attempt to keep my mind off the impending day. 

Once we were back home and knowing the day could not be avoided (plus I love the chance to be with people!) we decided to bring some of our carnival games and backdrops to a friends house in the Tower District. They have a TON of kids come through so I thought that sounded like a good plan. With 1,000's of kids walking through our games we stayed busy for over three hours! It was so much fun to be in a neighborhood! It was a blast having the lawn lit up with spotlights, backdrops and games tucked between episodes of The Day of the Dead! We had children entering our lighted area crying from the ghouls next door to begin smiling at the frog launch and plinko games! The only set-back: people asking if I lived at this house, or commenting on "my" house being "the best house on the block." I didn't live here.

Once again, I felt dislocated. Finally in an area of town where there's people, but still feeling like I'm a visitor. I've been in four different neighborhoods, still seeking for the place to call home. 

This year was closer - being with a community of people from a large range of backgrounds, being outside, in the front yard, handing out candy and smiles and hanging out with friends in their front yard.

Back in the Neighborhood

As I reflect on my Halloween experiences and how those experiences have shaped church cultures and developed my own understanding of neighboring, I recognize my desire to feel settled in a neighborhood. I am grateful for my years of creating community for others, but so desire the change to be part of that community myself, not just watch from the sidelines. 

What began 26-years-ago in my front yard has come full-circle. We're back in a front yard and this fireball of energy still wells up within me at the idea of neighbors coming together. Crazy events like Halloween carnivals continue to teach me and shape me as I listen and observe. 

May we all continue to be challenged and grow at each event and conversation as we interact with priceless people who offer sacred opportunities to share life together. May we choose our neighborhoods, not just a "night off," but the purposeful decision to meet our neighbors, learn names, and build a community that pursues peace together.

Peace!

 (this year Bret and I were Mario and Luigi!)

 

Last Moments with Grandma

Tonight we said goodbye to our grandma.

Today did not end as any of us had expected. Death really does come like a thief in the night. Bed unmade, shoes untied, and purse left behind, life moves fast - enjoy every moment.

On Saturday, after being so excited to celebrate my dad's birthday, Grandma suffered a cardiac-episode. Instead of celebrating with cake and ice cream, Grandma got a ride in the ambulance and a stay in the emergency room.

On Sunday morning, I sat with my Grandma in ER. She was coherent, but not making much sense. 

"Connie?" She asked, "Do you think when I'm through here your Grandpa will come around with the car and take me home?" If you've ever spent a while in conversation with someone who's mind is betraying them, you know it's best to play along instead of inflicting unnecessary pain - like telling my Grandma that Grandpa passed away years ago. Sometimes the desire to be with someone we love trumps the need for logical conversation.

"Yes, Grandma. I'm sure Grandpa will take you home." 

I listened (and answered!) Grandma's nonsensical questions, soaking in her smile and playing along with her real and fantasized scenarios. In my stillness these last few months I am becoming more aware of the presence of God with me in every situation and allowing myself to be present in each moment - not waiting for the next moment or wishing for the last - simply being present in the now. Standing at her bedside I became acutely aware of the gift of looking into her eyes, seeing her smile, and being with her.

"Connie, Grandpa told me last night to stay still on the ground and take all my medicine because it's good for me." I began tearing up considering how thin the layer between the heavens were growing and wondered if I might be standing amongst loved ones. I believe it is quite possible my Grandpa was encouraging her and helping her along - mysterious phenomenon take place as a person's transition nears.

Today, her heart grew weaker and we knew the time had arrived. 

Singing hymns, reading scripture, and praying, my dad, sister, brother and I held her hands as she released her last breath and rested into the arms of her Loving God. 

Perhaps her fantasies were based in more reality than I had realized and I answered her correctly - she really did get to go home with Grandpa tonight and I believe she is now counted among the Great Cloud of Witnesses cheering us on as we continue to run our race. 

She has left us with one-liners that make us laugh, memories that fill our hearts with joy, and recipes that fill our stomachs with tangible love. She has been a fighter, a compassionate connector, and a faithful companion. Her passing even caused the nurse who cared for her for just a few short hours to cry. "Your Grandma was so kind. She knew my name." A few hours before her death - she was still learning her nurses' name and complementing her on her turban. A remarkable woman, indeed.

I could go on and on about her hilarious quirks and dazzling intellect, but for now I will treasure those in my heart to keep me company on rainy days.

I already miss my Grandma immensely, but I look forward to the day when I will see her again. May we live in the present moment enjoying the now of today in light of our hope of tomorrow.

I love you, Grandma.

How would you describe God?

What does a pinecone and a foil ball have in common?

Our topic for class this Wednesday was God, specifically looking at metaphors and similes the Bible uses to describe God to help us understand God. Each week I'm trying to incorporate a hands-on activity to open each class and today's activity proved to be mind-bending. 

I brought to class brown bags, each with an object inside. Each student got the opportunity to feel inside the bag and DESCRIBE the object using only adjectives, metaphors, or similes. My purpose for this activity was to reinforce the idea that metaphors, similes and descriptors are human attempts to understand God - at least a little. The dangers we often run into are when we forget that the metaphors themselves are not God, and when we extend a metaphor too far and get carried away describing what we think we know about the metaphor and not consider what we're actually seeing, feeling, experiencing about God. 

While most of the objects in the bags were lighthearted and easy, all of us were surprised at one particular outcome and how solidly it reinforced the theme of our class.

One gentleman put his hand into the bag and right away knew what it was. He began describing both what he felt and also filled in some extra details with what he thought knew about the object he was touching.

"It is oval in shape and pokey to the touch. Definitely metallic with a rough surface." He didn't go so far as to say it was grey in color, since we already discussed not using the sense of sight. 

What a look of shock on his face when he pulled out a pinecone and not a foil ball. 

This intelligent young man was speechless. "That was so weird. I was so convinced it was a ball of foil that I was thinking of how I would describe a ball of foil more than I was even thinking about the actual object in my hand." 

Fascinating.

How often do our own images and metaphors about God limit our understanding of who God is? How many time have we carried a metaphor too far and given God the attributes of our earthly metaphor instead of leaving space for God to reveal Godself to us?

For example, if I have locked God into the metaphor of "Father" and then have a negative relationship with my father, I may push those negative characteristics onto God. Or even with positive examples of fathers around us, I may take on the notion that God is masculine. Our metaphor in both these cases went too far.

Metaphors, similes, and adjectives are all excellent resources to give us handles on understanding the God of the cosmos - but they are simply handles and not a summary of God as a whole. That kind of understanding is too expansive for our understanding this side of heaven.

May we continue to grow in our understanding of God as we provide space for the Spirit to open our hearts and minds to new levels of knowing and perceiving.